The key to control?: Just let if flow

personal development May 11, 2022

Have you ever thought: “I wish I could control this” or “I wish things would go exactly how I want them to be”? We’ve all been there for sure, and I know it can be overwhelming to feel powerless when we want to help solve a situation or make things better for ourselves and the people we love. That’s why now, we’re going to explore in-depth what control is, how we can identify the things within our control, and what to do when we feel helpless.


Defining Control

Control: The power to influence or direct people's behaviour or the course of events.

Truth is, most people when they want something, they usually want to control what happens, when, why, how it manifests.

The reality of control is that we have to allow the flow to happen. So all we need to do is have a clearly defined goal so we can be laser-light focused. We can create an image in our minds and know what it is that we want and then, build the structure. Here are some questions that might help you in this process: 

  • What sort of things am I going to do in order to achieve my goal?

Focus your energy on what kind of activities you can do to lead to your goal. 

It is up to you to build the structure, the order, and to have appreciation for what we have.

  • Do I have the right emotional management?

For this, you have to go into a deep sense of gratitude for everything that you’ve got today, because if you can’t be grateful for what you got today, you’ll never be grateful for what you’ll have tomorrow.  We must celebrate wins big or small.  Wins beget wins. 

We have to let it flow.

First comes the goal, the structure, order, and appreciation. Then comes the flow, the ultimate human experience. But, how do you use this beautiful thing to work for you, rather than against you? What thoughts and feelings are you having, and what actions will you take? 

When you appreciate every single little thing that happens in your life as a learning opportunity;  when you think how great it is to be here and have the chance to go after what you want; when you become appreciative of everything you got – THAT'S when you allow the flow! Because you are finally ready for it.

Control has a negative connotation because there is a lot of resistance that comes with it. We want something, but we resist it, and sometimes, we even blame other people. We constantly look at things that are not working, and we feel like we need to take control of everything. But no, we don’t. We only need to know exactly what we want and not be attached to the outcome.



Serendipity: The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.

We need to work out what we want to identify what we have in control. Ironically, sometimes, the path to discovering what we want is by knowing what we don't want. Which is actually a blessing in disguise because the more you know what you don’t want, the closer you get to what you do want. 

Most of us, as human beings, sort of linger on far too long on what we don’t want. We stay in that space where we want to talk about it, vent and blame, rather than realizing that this is actually helping us discover our desires. 

But what if you switch your mind to a new perspective that allows you to say: “Isn’t this great? Now that I know what I don’t want, I can define what I want. How I want to think, feel, act, and behave, and what outcomes I would like!” And THAT is what you have in your control.


Let’s focus on the 4%

Did you know that we spend 96% of our time worrying about things that will never happen, have happened, or pitying situations out of our control? By the time we focus on that 4% within our control, we’re emotionally exhausted because we’ve put all our energy into the negative, on that 96% that isn’t in our control anyway. 

Now imagine if you spend all your time laser-light focused on that 4% of what you actually want and build the structure with a clearly defined vision?

  • Write down your structure based on how your operating rhythm will look like. 
  • Become aware of your emotional management and how you are going to feel, think and act. 
  • Choose the right thoughts, because your thoughts ignite your feelings, and your body is nothing more than an instrument of the mind. 
  • Take action!    


What to do when facing things we can’t control?

You literally have to let them go. You just have to ask yourself one question: "Is this in my control, or not?" And if it is out of your control, you literally have to let it go. What is in your control is to have a clear, defined goal. To look at what is working rather than what is not working. 

We can have twenty things working, but if two things go wrong, that is all we focus on. So what this means is that we lack appreciation for everything that is working in our lives. There is no gratitude for everything that is working. Rather than saying: “Well, I am so grateful I got a home, I got a roof over my head, I got beautiful friends, I got things that I am working on, I got money, I got this, I got that,” we focus on the two things as if is bad that they are not working rather than say: “Hang on a second, these two things that are not working are my learning experience only.”

From defining control as the power to influence or direct the course of events to understanding that first, we need to figure out what we want in order to build the structure that will lead us to what we can actually control: Our thoughts! It has been quite a beautiful journey.

I know it can be frustrating and overwhelming at times, but once we accept that change is part of our lives and that even flow is life, we understand that there is no negativity and that those situations are just teachers. It's when we learn how to manage our emotions that everything becomes easier.


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